Cover: Photographs of Kelly Freas and Michael Mason, both by Chaz Baden. THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED Volume 16 issue 11 (follows Aug/Sept/Nov 2004 issue) ***************************************************************************** OK - so I didn't get the issue out until January. So there IS a January issue by default, but the Incredibly Cheap Christmas Present is still on, and you may place as many ads as you like in the February one. They'll still cost $.02 per line over 90 (I told you it was an Incredibly Cheap present), but you can have all you like. The deadline is February 1, and for a change I intend to adhere to it. Ye Ed ***************************************************************************** ======================= Kelly Freas 1922-2005 Goodbye, Gremlin. We'll all miss you. Michael Mason 1960-2004 LASFS librarian, con chair, friend... Will Eisner 1916-2005 ======================= WANTED: Non-working laptops Dell CP to XP, all Compaqs, prefer the older 286 to Pis, Toshibas. (If you have docking bays?) Write Kettan ---Write me for the address. Ye Ed--- KETTAN: Glad to hear how well you're recovering from the stroke, and thanks for the pencil scans. I'll see if I can scan any of these pictures well enough to include a few in next issue (if I just photocopy them as is they'll come out muddy). Hang in there! Ye Ed A pirate looks down at the fight on Phil's ship & calls out to the crew of the Yerosha. "The Brit's fighting a Bunny-girl. Any takers on a bet?" He looks around, but aside from the crew fighting the last of the fire, most of his shipmates are sitting around a portable TV. "SShhhh!" , They say as one. " 'One Piece' is on." Phil the Cat wasn't intimidated by the Pirate Captain's threat. Instead, he crouched on the deck of his Cigarette Boat, and when the big cat was nearly upon him, the Feline Creator took a great leap over his opponent, landing behind him. "Do you really want to fight over Crystal?" asked Phil. "Why don't we ask her which one of us she wants?" "My Ship!" Captain Sam says from behind some of the wreckage on the deck of the Golden Sunrise. Piles of knocked-out sailors litter the deck as well. The few still able to fight are beat up, but for some reason grinning as they battle on with Cella. One waves a bit of cloth at her. It's a piece of her clothes he ripped away in a close grapple before she tossed him into the main mast in between issues... "Hottie, you might need this to get your PG rating back." - Bad Joke Sailor THE SAILOR ABOARD THE GOLDEN SUNRISE: Nice try; but Cella is an au-naturel toon, able to keep her naughty bits out of sight under her fur, and never embarrassed. Are you sure you didn't grab a colleague's top by mistake? ...Cella's Player. High above the pirate ship in the Lookout, two pirates look down at Gary. "He's Cute. Shall we?" says one. "Surely" says the other. "Let's do!" they say together as the jump! They fall head first toward the staggering human. The Bungee cords trail out behind them.... "HI there!" Gary suddenly finds two upside-down pirates grabbing him by both arms. As the cords start to pull the two skunkettes up, they take him with them! Alan leaps to grab Gary's legs to weigh him down, accidentally dropping the iron bar on the captain's head in the process... Carry-out burger-bar! Tana Miller was frustrated to see that her attack had such a limited effect on the Pirate, But before she could follow it up, her opponent struck at her with a strong right to her shoulder. The lapin countered by rolling her shoulder backwards to lighten the blow. As she turned, Tana saw that her mate was being grabbed, improbably, by a pair of upside-down skunk-fems. Without a moment's hesitation, she executed a quick back-flip away from the pirate and leapt towards Gary with the intent of grabbing him by the legs and weighing-him down enough to slow his abductor's getaway. The Kick to his gut knock a bit of wind out of the human pirate. The punch from Tana knocks a tooth loose. He sees his crewmates grab Gary and grins. "Well, if the lady wants to cut in and dance, (He spits out the tooth) Far be it for me to say no." HE faints a punch to the left, then throws a hard right at her shoulder! HIGEOYAJI: That the best you got? - the Sea dog. Picture: Rita Roswell, a "Gray" with fluffy wig, crop top, skirt, jewelry. Word Balloon "Forget it! I'll wear the silly 3** clothes, but I ain't gettin' none o' my navels pierced, or anything else, far as that goes..." FWIW - I find most body piercing kinda creepy... Scott Thomas, 9/03 A howl rises up from deep within the Yerosha! A swarm or small creatures pour out of the hold of the ship. But it's not the remains of the fire that drove them. They head for the pie-covered captain and started.... collecting up all the meringue from his face. The Pierats work quickly and soon he is as clean as they can do with him. "Too much egg-white, too little sugar.", One comments as the lot of Pie-rats head back into the hold. "Ye. Are. Sooo. DEAD. Boyoo." The Large Cat moves a little faster and straight at PHIL! The Large screen TV in the cabin MSM and Crystal are in turns on after a loud BOOM is heard from up on deck. (The fight must have knocked something loose...) While what appears on the screen looks to be a soft-porn Toon Sex channel is really a ship-to-ship comline to the B-19. "Oh, my." Crystal says. "I never know Elmer was so, so Gifted..." She looks around the cabin for the remote.. MSM emits a low whistle, but says nothing else. "Where are those fools?" a thought from a Lady who waits at the place those two ships are to meet.... The man in the red flight suit flags down the Island Taxi, noting its bamboo-and-palm-frond construction, and its occupants: a hefty old salt, a humanoid bull, and a longhaired guy in a superheroish costume. But he's seen so many weirder sights... "Can you tell me where I am?" he asks. "My name is Jones, by the way. Alex Jones." REALLY BAD IDEA #18 (Resurrect a comedy comic-book series *for children* as a grim and gritty R-rated feature) is prowling on page 2... DR. RITA ROBIN: I'm afraid that *this*, on the other hand, looks antemortem...Gil Grisly, examining a different body; one with no face... GIL GRISLY: This one shows signs of blunt force trauma with several curved... (whips out a magnifier and tweezers) looks like the imprint of knuckles... ah, epithelials, I'll get these to DNA, but as a guess they do not belong to the victim. DR. RITA ROBIN: Are you saying the *skull* was caved in by a...a *fist*?...Gil Grisly GIL GRISLY: It's very possible. Dr. Rita Robin Carry-out burger-bar! "Aww...no more ghosts?" asked a disappointed Jazz Jackrabbit when he found himself in a new setting. "Just when it was getting' good." The furry game sprite then studied the alien landscape. When he saw the two odd-looking planets in the sky, he grinned and said "Looks like the setting for a 'Duck Dodgers' adventure. Wonder if I'll be facing-off against Marvin Martian?" Devan Shell is watching Jazz on his own video screen. "You wish, rabbit! As a matter of fact, this is it; the last level, for all the marbles! And you're in for a really clever no-win situation, if I do say so myself! Isn't that right, my dear?" "Mfumph!" says Eva Earlong (who unfortunately has more than marbles in her mouth...) Bad Ideas, Bad Ideas, What you gonna do? What you gonna when they come for you? Bad Ideas, Bad Ideas.... RINDERCILLER: I have to admit, you look nice dressed - and 40 is young to me...MJ Food that I read about then tried; Canterbury Jumbles, Mexican Style pizza, and monster cinnamon rolls. I better be careful; Diane Mott Davidson's recipes are fattening but she makes them sound so good. Building SITES are splendid SIGHTS, so we CITE them in the guide. This FOWL tastes FOUL. Carry-out burger-bar! CZECH your words: Fetch the HOWITZER! Some fool's armed the ROBOT with a PISTOL. A group of cell phone users is a "mill"; they walk around in small circles as they talk. MAGUS: Are you so sure? I live in the cold airless depths of space and in supernovas of creation. Due to my heritage, I'm not of this or any world you know of! (As H's tail darts out to this new power source.) Now if my friends will get behind me and use whatever they have to finish this? We meet Kronos! H: No, no, no; you don't know what forces you may be setting in motion! Oh, what's the use, you can't hear me, no one ever hears me...The Fictator. Picture: The artist, wearing a t-shirt with "Ohio Valley Surplus" on it. "Something I find a bit frightening - having worked at two hospitals, the amount of substance abuse is phenomenal... at least from what I've seen. Can't really say if this applies to doctors and nurses, but it does to the support staff. I wonder how widespread this is? Two hospitals isn't much of a sample." For the most part, it's overlooked. My guess is that it's hard to fill some of the 'crap jobs', and they'll take anyone willing to do them. Maybe some of the jobs can be done while high (yes, people in the areas I've worked have shown up just ripped... or got that way at work.) But there is an element of risk, and as lawsuit-happy as the planet is, you'd think that those in charge would try to keep it down to a dull roar..." BGM "Lost in Space" by Apollo four forty. Scott Thomas, 6/04 ACIA: Dear, maybe you can help...*can* you get through to H? You and she are sort of comrades...she *has* to know what can happen if she defies the CT game parameters again...The Fictator. Magus then leaps at H and strikes multiple times with his Rainbow Katana - a weapon potent enough to hurt even the most powerful... Carry-out burger-bar! If you open a door and the room you see is not the room that should be there, do not explore it. In fact, even if you close the door and see the correct room after re-opening it, vacate the house. - "How to Survive A Horror Movie" In a state neither awake nor asleep when the mind plays games the following ran through mine. There are two ships; can't describe them I just know there are at least two locked in combat. There may or may not be smaller fighter craft, but there is debris. The craft are falling onto a blue while planet which clearly is Earth. Then another ship drops out of warp (yes, just like on Star Trek) and yes it is a Federation style ship, a saucer with twin nacelles. Then like a child's toy that splits flying disks, from the saucer come smaller ships not identical but Federation style all. The first actually looks like the original Enterprise. When the third one appears a chariot drawn by at least two white horses swoops down (Yes, in space) on it, the driver in white robes (like a Greek god) shouts "Spock, we need you". Then a close-up of the chariot, there's the driver and Spock but also someone else, could it be? Yes, Doctor McCoy both in Starfleet uniforms, the chariot heads down towards the planet to Mount Olympus, I presume. The scene changes, we're in the ruins of a city, a group of people are hiding under some rubble. "We're supposed to meet him here." The female dressed in white says. A pair of legs appears wearing either black or very dark blue pants. "Maybe this is him.". But it's a human female, fit, short brown hair, neatly dressed. The sounds of battle explosions and falling masonry are getting louder. "Hurry, the potential of these people we have to save." She calls. Her companion is an alien, but dressed in twentieth century clothing which appears too small for him since his hands and head are larger than a human's. He has two eyes, no hair and his skin is a pale pastel greenish-blue more green than blue. He says "I have (or maybe would've) enjoyed my life as a human." She responds "It's not our lives which are important, it's what we can salvage. And to do that we need help from the future." Someone shouts "Down!" she and her companion dive behind some rubble. A grey battle pod appears, it looks like one from Robotech (except it looks built more machine-like less organic.) At this point it gets like a movie trailer as we zero in on the people hiding and get names of actors as characters, sorry can't remember what they were. The film though was called "Take the Tour Guide", or possibly "Take the Tour, Guys." Here's a challenge: if this is the start of a movie write the ending. You can't make the Earth uninhabitable, and you can only use the characters I described or related, thus Greek gods but not Norse. But I'll let you use any Star Trek characters and the ones from Robotech. And since I had a vague impression of a guy in a bathrobe you may also use Hitchhiker's film version. Carry-out burger-bar! YOU MAY BE A PINHEAD IF... you play with your mental blocks. A SWAT Sniper takes aim at the back of the neck of one of a pair of hiding Bad Ideas. He takes a deep breath, and squeezed off a shot...... ENTIRELY TOO SLITHY (part two) still by TCC (The Mad Tea Party characters are playing Dungeons and Dragons. The March Hare is Games Master, the players are Alice, The Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat. And the dormouse is playing the mule, though it's asleep most of the time) March explained all of our characters were at an Inn sitting around a table and eating dinner. That sounded boring - I mean, we were already doing that. Ok, we were having tea, not dinner but still. Then he said that we were to have our characters meet each other and plan an adventure. "Ok," I said "I'm the Knight Sir Percival, and I'm looking for a gang to go kill and plunder." Somehow that didn't sound quite right, even to me. "Wait a minute - can't we play the good guys?" March said that we WERE the good guys. "Then why are we stealing things? Sounds like Bad Guy behavior to me." March explained carefully that we kill evil monsters and take the stuff in their lairs as a reward, using lots of small words. "You mean like monster droppings? Ick!" March explained even MORE carefully that evil monsters stole gold and jewels from other people and hoarded them in their lairs. "Oh," I said. "You mean the monsters steal the treasure and then we steal it from the monsters and since stealing is wrong and two wrongs make a right then it's ok." Everybody at the table including the dormouse looked at me strangely. I checked to make sure I hadn't started vanishing again. Nope, still here. "Never Mind," said the March Hare. "Your characters have all met and decided to get together to smite evil and win fame and fortune, and are now off on the road. After you've walked through farmland for a couple of hours... "I sit down and REST," the Hatter said firmly. "Besides, the mule has gone to sleep again." Sure enough, the dormouse was once again asleep. Refusing to be sidetracked, March continued steadfastly. "You come to a small path leading away from the road off into the distance. A sign pointing to it reads "Black Forest". "Hmm..." said the Hatter. "Let's go there. They make VERY good cake." Alice poked the dormouse, dubiously. "I heal the mule." "From what?", asked March, "puzzled." "From whatever caused it to fall over," replied Alice, looking at the dormouse, which was now reposing on top of the teapot at a very odd angle. "Ahem... soon you come to the Black Forest. It is called that because the trees grow so closely together that it's very dark under them, even in the daytime." "I cast Light", said the Hatter, looking through the rulebook. "I'm sorry," said March, "You're a first level Wizard and don't know that spell yet." "Well, what spells DO I know?" inquired the Hatter. "You know Magic Missile," replied March. "What does a Magic Missile look like?" "It's like an arrow only made of magic and kinda glowy." "Ok, I cast Magic Missile at a tree to get some light." "A faintly glowing magic missile hits the tree, lights up a few leaves, and then vanishes, leaving a hole in the bark," said March. "I take out my flashlight and turn it on," says Alice. "Where did you get that?" asked March. "It was in the pack on the mule. This is like camping and Nurse says you should always bring a flashlight with you when you go camping," explained Alice. (to be continued) Picture: Smirking striped cat. MS clip art. SPLENDID WISDOM AT THE SECOND HILLTOP CASTLE VERSION 2.0 By Penny Arcade, Michelle Maus, and April Phool (Void where prohibited by the Patriot-Or-Else Act) Chapter 16 "There (in Avalon) nine sisters rule by a pleasing set of laws those who come to them from our country. She who is first of them is more skilled in the healing art, and excels her sisters in the beauty of her person. Morgen is her name, and she has learned what useful properties all the herbs contain, so that she can cure sick bodies. She also knows an art by which to change her shape, and to cleave the air on new wings like Daedalus; when she wishes she is at Brest, Chartres, or Pavia, and when she wills, she slips down from the air onto your shores. And men say that she has taught mathematics to her sisters, Moronoe, Mazoe, Gliten, Glitonea, Gliton, Tyronoe, Thitis, Thitis best known for her cither." -- Geoffrey of Monmouth, "Vita Merlini" Disclaimer (as opposed to Dat claimer): Last time, we left our elfish adventurers stripped of all possessions and tied to a tree. The scene in which they are tortured by the Whipmistress from the Isle of Lesbos is for our European edition only and will not be presented here. Tough cookies. As our story opens, Bloodstone and Eri have implemented their cleverly conceived plan to escape their captors and are slinking around the back alleys of Sedan, leading village of the country of Fordor, in search of opportunity. The two elves have acquired apparel from Clotheslines R Us - Bloodstone is wrapped in a bedsheet, and Eri is wearing a man's shirt big enough to be a knee-length tunic - but are in need of weapons and money. *** Meanwhile, Tyronoe has informed her sisters that they cannot ride the Mor Rigan's magical boat to Sedan since it lies inland, and must therefore hoof it. But the Mor Rigan is having none of that. "My Fabulous Pog is missing -" "Thank Danu," Mazoe sighed. "-and I'm in no mood for further inconvenience. We will acquire transportation here in Fleabyte." "Fat chance," Tyronoe snorted. "Fordor isn't what it was in the old days, and there isn't much in the way of transportation to be had other than farmers' carts." "Doesn't Sedan make Sedan chairs?" Mazoe asked. "Oh, not for centuries now," Tyronoe replied. "Say, ladies?" the Gingham Dog said, trying to draw their attention. "Well, a farmer's cart won't be bad if there's enough hay in the back." "Um, ladies?" "It'll have to be large enough to accommodate the three of us and our luggage." "I'll have to walk?" Vesket whined "Ladies? Ma'am?" "You're a servant; you can't ride in the cart with us." "I say," ventured the Gingham Dog raising his voice. "Isn't that a magic carpet shop across the street?" Everyone turned and stared at the magic carpet shop there, but the three sorceresses eyed it with great skepticism. Mazoe consulted her guide book. "Should only be a five percent chance of a rug seller in this small a hamlet." "Fine and good," said Tyrone, "but if twenty hamlets each have a five percent change of there being a rug seller, then it stands to reason that one of them will have a rug seller." "Not so," said the Mor Rigan. "Each child born has a fifty percent chance of being a girl. Our parents had nine children, so four and a half of us should have been boys. As you know, all nine of us are female." "Yes, I'd noticed that." "More importantly," interjected Mazoe, "Where are we going to stay if there are no inns in Sedan?" "Your book says that there are two noble households in Sedan, does it not?" said the Mor Rigan. "Yes, sister, it does." "Then we shall stay with one of them." "What if they object to offering us hospitality, sister?" "What of it?" the Mor Rigan answered coldly. Tyronoe cackled. "Well, then," Mazoe said, shutting her book. "Let's go see a man about a flying carpet." *** Return with us now to our elven heroines. [The following plot is from the marvelous GURPS Basic Set, Third Edition, "All in a Night's Work", copright1989 by Steve Jackson Games, Inc. Used without permission, so let me plug his company here: Go forth and take up roleplaying as a hobby; fill your shelves with GURPS books.] Bloodstone has wrapped a clothsline around her waist and tied it off. She has a knife and a sack provided by the author. She uses the knife to pry open a window. A nervous Eri remains as outlook in the alley. 3D6 against Stealth Skill of level 14 --succeeds. Bloodstone finds herself in the kitchen. She has the Night Vision Advantage and elects not to light the candle on the kitchen table. An examination of the kitchen turns up many pots and kettles. Typical accessories for people who (shudder) cook their food. 3D6 against Vision (add Alertness and Acute Vision bonuses) --succeeds. Bloodstone spots a hevy (10lbs) cast iron skillet under the counter. If necessary, she can use it as a weapon. (If used offensively, it counts as a Mace (her Mace Skill is level 12) and does 'swing+3' damage). She tucks the skillet into her sack. Bloodstone exits the kitchen and she fnds herself in a small hallway which leads into serveral areas: stairs going up, a great hall, and a pantry. Picture: Bloodstone and Eri. Female Elves. Bloodstone is carrying a military pick. M.K. Capriola, 11/04 In the pantry there are shelves and shelves of goods. 3D6 against Vision (add Alertness and Acute Vision bonuses)--succeeds. On one of the shelves she sees many small apothecaries' jars. She opens some of them and discovers various herbs and spices. Herbs and spices are good: she puts some of the jars in her sack. Try another Vision roll minus 2 -- succeeds. She notices that a plank in the pantry floor seems out of place. Grinning, she edges a barrel aside to reveal a trap door that leads to a staircase descending into a cellar. In the cellar there is a wine rack. Bloodstone licks her lips and shoves a bottle of wine into the sack. There are also shelves under the stairs, but this looks like the place where the owner stores stuff he doesn't use any more. There is also a rack holding casks of wine. She notices that a seal on a bung on the bottom row is askew. She pulls out the bung, disclosing a keyhole. 3D6 against Lockpicking Skill -- fails. Bloodstone smacks her fist against the cask, curses, and goes back upstairs. She makes her way into the great hall with a ceiling is two stories tall. In the room is a sofa with pillows, expensive-looking tapestries upon the walls, and four large statues. To her barbarian eye, this is just bulky junk. There are two doors; one obvious leads outside, the other leads to another interior room. She goes thru the latter door, and discovers a huge man sound asleep on a crude mattress. Obviously a servant -- no point hanging around here. Bloodstone returns to the great hall, then goes out to the hallway and up the stairs where she finds a single door. Listening at the door, she hears snoring. She enters the room and finds a thick-bearded, heavy-set man in loud silken pajamas in a canopied bed. There is a bell-pull hanging from the ceiling beside the bed. Various statuettes and objects d'art adorn the bedroom. Junk to her eye, but she knows humans place value on these things. She gives one of the statues a test-heft, but there is nothing here that is both valuable and portable. Bloodstone goes over to the bed and examines Fatso. He is wearing a number of rings and bracelets, but they are pressed too tightly into his flesh. As much as she'd like to hack off his fingers, she'd probably wake him. However, as she completes her examination, she notices a key on a silken cord around the fat man's neck. She studies the key, and realizes what it must fit. Her lips curve into a wolfish smile. Carefully, she grasps the key and readies her knife to cut the cord. 3D6 against Pickpocket Skill -- defaults to DX-6 since she has no Pickpocket skill.-- fails. Fatso wakes up and screams. He reaches for the bellrope. Bloodstone grasps the handle of the skillet thru the bag and swings it, smacking Fatso in the head (and breaking the bottle of wine in the process). She cuts the key free and tucks it under her tongue. She hears the servant coming up the stairs. Bloodstone pulls the skillet out of the bag and stands to one side. When the guard throws the door open, she belts him in the matzoballs. Stunned, the guard can do nothing as Bloodstone tips him down the stairs. He's a big man; he rolls down the stairs most noisily and lands heavily. Bloodstone pops the key out of her mouth and goes downstairs. The servant is unconscious or worse. He'd had a sword in his hand, and it now lies nearby. She picks it up and takes it into the pantry, then goes down into the cellar again. The key fits the keyhole in the cask, and the front swings open to reveal a stack of books and papers and a small bag. The bag contains about a dozen glittering gems, each wrapped in paper. They go into the sack. The books and papers mean nothing to her. Bloodstone helps herself to another bottle of wine. She goes back upstairs and out the kitchen window. The haul: 4 jars of herbs and spices: 20 Grinqs Cast iron skillet: 50 Grinqs Bag of gems: 3000 Grinqs ============ Total: 3070 Grinqs The spending spree: Summer clothing for 2: -40 Grinqs Shoes for 2: -80 Grinqs Two-handed sword x 2: -1500 Grinqs (weights 5 lbs) Bow: -50 Grinqs Quiver of arrows: -35 Grinqs ============ Total: -1705 Grinqs Piss-up at the local tavern: -85 Grinqs New gear: Basics (cookpots, a bit of rope, hatchet, etc): -50 Grinqs [weights 20 lbs] First aid kit: -30 Grinqs [2 pounds Whetstone for sharpening weapons: -5 Grinqs [1 pound] Sleeping bags (2) -100 Grinqs [30 pounds] Blankets (2) - 40 Grinqs [10 pounds] Water/wine skins (2) -20 Grinqs Small pouch (2) -20 Grinqs Small backpack (2) - holds 40 lbs - -60 Grinqs [3 pounds] ============ Total New Gear Costs: -325 Grinqs BALANCE: 955 Grinqs *** Halys Ifrit bends to pick up the Pog lying on the ground. Strawberry-blonde tresses sway as she straightens. She sniffs the pog and recognizes Morgain's perfume. That bitch is around here somewhere. Halys tucks the Pog into her sash beside the automatic pistol. "Youse a fairy!" Halys glares at the old man sitting in front of the blacksmith's shop and whittling on a piece of wood. No matter where she goes, people take in the sight of her gossamer wings and automatically assume she is a creature out of some storybook. "I are not being 'fairy.' I are being Flitterfolk person." "Dar wuz anudder fairy come dru har a few days ago. Brown hair en' haulin' a big piece o' luggage." "Brown hair? You are being sure she being a fair-- uh, a Flitterfolk person?" "Yup. She had wings like youse got. En' brown hair." "Mountain Folk person," Halys whispers. She sticks fingers into her sash in search of the extra clip of ammo. Yes, it's there. Good. One clip for Morgain, and the other clip to .... "Youse a friend o' dat udder fairy girl?" Halys looks up. "Nope. I are being Forest Folk person. She are being stinking, no good Mountain Folk baby killer. Gonna shoots her dead, you betcha." The old man pauses in his whittling. "Ah. Well, you have a nice day, ya hear?" "Hokay. You have also one. Bye." Halys returns to the Inn, pays her bill, and mounts her pony. The locals have spoken of some wizards' duel over by Port Wijn, and that smacks of Morgain. Halys nudges the pony's ribs and sets off down the road towards the river. Picture: April, Penelope, and Michelle. About the author: M.K. Capriola is the pen name of April Phool, Penelope Arcade, and Michelle Maus, who were all stone at the time they wrote this story. They are currently working on a project to get funding from the Radical Lesbian Front for a pilgrimage to Lesbos, which is their way of spending the winter in Greece while getting someone else to pay for it. M.K. Capriola, 10-24-90 Picture: W-I-L-M-O-R-E 4-0-3-9-0 Wendell Nerdsley wearing a "boot to the head" t-shirt, walking with Camilla Sterling-Nerdsley "The Old Bat" with a coke can in one hand. Arrow pointing to Wendell "Loosely based on a student at the college I used to work for...". Arrow pointing to Camilla "Loosely based on my cousin's ex-wife." Camilla is saying "If you rilly love me, you'll make shore I always got plenty o' 'Classic Coke' around. Not that weenie diet caffeine stuff neither. Real Co-Cola. Let all th' Satan-worshippin' communist-socialist book-burning heathes drink that other stuff. Real Americans drink real Co-Cola." Scott Thomas, 5/04 Picture: Rinderciller in croptop and split mini-skirt. "I've put on weight since I turned 40. I almost weigh eighty pounds now..." Scott Thomas, 9/03 Picture: Sometimes the best way to deal with really bossy and obnoxious people is to be very honest with them... Guy with glasses on phone, looking at pocketwatch. Word balloon 'For another sixteen minutes and twelve seconds, I get paid to deal with you. After that, I'm on my own time and gone from here. Fax over whatever it is you need within five minutes, and it will be boxed up and waiting for you just inside the door. No, I will not deliver it to you in my car and on my time. End warehouse transmission.' Scott Thomas 6/04 [yes, I also used this in the previous issue. Forgot to move the picture from the directory... Ye Ed] Picture: Wilmore 40390 Milo the River Merman. Word balloon "Fer true financial success, all ya need is one good lawsuit..." Scott Thomas, 5/01 SOME UPCOMING CONVENTIONS GAFILK, Atlanta, GA, Jan 7-9 2005, http://www.gafilk.org/ FURTHERCONFUSION, SF Bay Area, Jan 13-17, 2005, http://www.furtherconfusion.org DIXSEPTION, Southsea Portsmouth, UK, Feb 4-6, 2005, http://www.contabile.org.uk/dixsept/ FURRY WEEKEND ATLANTA 2005, Atlanta, GA, Feb 11-13, 2005, http://www.furryweekend.com/ BRITFUR, Peckforton Castle, UK, last weekend of February 2005, http://www.britfur.co.uk/ *CONSONANCE 2005, Milpitas, CA March 4-6, 2005, http://www.consonance.org/ PAWPET MEGAPLEX, Orlando, FL, March 11-13, 2005, http://www.ppmp.info/ FILKONTARIO 15, Mississauga, Ontario, Canada, OHIO MORPHICON, Columbus, OH, April 29-May 1, 2005, http://morphicon.org/ *CALIFUR, Irvine, CA, May, 2005, http://www.califur.com CAPE MAY FUR MEET, Cape May, NJ, May 21-22, 2005, http://www.capemayfurmeet.org ROCKET CITY FURMEET, Huntsville, AL, May 27-29, 2005, http://narf.wereanimal.net/ ANTHROCON, Philadelphia, PA, July, 2005, http://www.anthrocon.org/index.html * cons Ye Ed plans to attend. See ya! ***************************************************************************** THE ELECTRONIC INTERCEPTED is published on a monthly schedule (save for January, which is double sized and combined with the following month, and for the August/Sept Swimsuit issue) and available by mailing list (to subscribe send email to kayshapero@earthlink.net), and from my website at http://home.earthlink.net/~kayshapero/icindex.htm, where you can also find THE CAST LIST, which includes bios of characters in INTERCEPTED and a list of characters currently in play. All of these are text-only. The original INTERCEPTED (hard copy version comprised of ads, inclusions and artwork) is available from 12536 Short Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90066 for $1.75 plus postage (usually 2 oz worth). Hard copy of THE CAST LIST is also available, for $1.00 plus postage a copy. Note the Cast List does NOT contain any artwork the only difference between the hard copy and downloadable version is that the former is formatted into three columns. Contributions should be sent to me at kayshapero@earthlink.net Back issues of both The Electronic Intercepted, and Intercepted are available; write me for details. Contributions to this thing consist of ads, artwork and inclusions, as follows: ADS: Each member is allowed up to 90 lines of text (called "ads" for historical reasons this thing started out in a Personals column), divided up however you please. One Line = 55 characters or less, including spaces. (note this reflects the width of columns in the printed version I'm formatting the electronic version to 65 because it's single column) Ads are $.02 per line. (Note ad cost is included in the purchase price for the hard copy Intercepted.) Ads (or bios for The Cast List) may be mailed to me, as above. ARTWORK: Artists may receive free or reduced cost hard copy versions. See the hard copy Intercepted for details. INCLUSIONS: These are pretty much anything that is neither artwork or ads, and cost $3.00 per side if I have to copy them and will not show up in the electronic version unless supplied as ascii text. See the hard copy Intercepted for details. The editor reserves the right to edit or refuse ads (but rarely does as long as they don't get too gross or ose.) ADS NEXTISH DUE: Feb 1, 2005 PUBLICATION DATE NEXTISH: Feb 8, 2005 EDITOR: Kay Shapero SYSOP: Nicolai Shapero Make Life Interesting!